Chapter 1

     I can’t believe shopping for Christmas is starting before Halloween, Theresa thought. It comes earlier each season. The mall seemed busier this weekend and last weekend was busier than the one before.
     It had become a weekend ritual to take her teenage daughter, Isha, to the mall for whatever item she could not live without. Typically, Isha manages to meet one of her friends. Then runs off to see something, leaving Theresa alone for an hour or two to window-shop.
     Theresa complains about it to Mark and Isha, but she secretly enjoys this time alone. Mark agrees to watch the two younger children, Lexi and Trystan, while his wife performs this painful task almost every weekend.
     The taste of fall is in every window, Halloween and Christmas mixed, depending upon which display you turn to.
     Blending the seasons and holidays makes the year seem much shorter; time is already flying by faster than Theresa would like. She had such high hopes that she and Mark would be more financially stable by now. She wished the window-shopping could turn into real shopping, without a thought given to the amount on the price tags.
     Theresa remembered when she was Isha’s age; her early teenage years were filled with giggles, boys and shopping. Oh, the shopping. She too, would beg her mother for trips to the mall on the weekends. The only difference being, Theresa’s family could afford to buy her anything she wanted. She enjoyed that luxury to the fullest. Theresa and her clique of friends were the most current with all of the latest fashions. They traded clothes amongst themselves. Life was good.
     Theresa’s family came from money and carried their snobbery a little further than most. The girls who Theresa ran with came from well-to-do families, but most of their parents didn’t seem as pretentious as Theresa’s. Theresa resented it and became rebellious.
     Actually, her parents had done quite a good job of spoiling her. The cliché she wanted her cake and eat it too fit Theresa. She relished the mind games she played with her parents, telling them she wanted to join a motorcycle gang she had just met or that she wanted to volunteer at a center for AIDS victims.   Statements like those would make her mother nearly faint. Her parents would try to change her mind by whisking her off on a vacation somewhere. Hawaii was the last place they went together. Of course, she could bring a friend or two, so she would not be lonely.
     Her parents hoped if she had her friends with her, they would not have to worry about her making new unsavory acquaintances, while on vacation.
     Theresa used this ploy whenever she felt life was getting too boring. It did surprise her, though, how much control she had over her parents without them even knowing it; a skill she planned to hone. She felt this could help her get through life; the art of manipulation has its benefits.
     She is still practicing it with Mark and Isha. That is how she manages her free time on the weekends, while making them feel guilty that she is putting herself out.
     Her manipulation has not always worked for her. Being a teenager with a know-it-all attitude, she felt she was always in total control. She began dating Mark her senior year. He played in a band. That was another ploy to upset her parents, a musician.   Her parents were steaming. They had plans for her to marry a doctor or a lawyer and become one or the other herself. A profession and a husband her parents could be proud of.
     She will never forget the look on her parents’ faces the day she introduced them to Mark. He came to pick her up for a date in his old rusted car, without a muffler.
     Mark was tall, with sandy brown hair. His skin was tanned from his summer lawn jobs. His green eyes sparkled each time he saw Theresa. He dressed in a t-shirt and blue jeans, in typical rock star fashion.
     They were reluctantly cordial to him, as their kind had to be. Theresa’s mother peered out of the window as they drove away, to see if any of the neighbors spotted her daughter getting into a car with such a boy.
     Theresa glanced back, smiled and waved; she knew her mother would be watching. She tossed her head back and laughed. Theresa’s shiny black hair bounced. She was a pretty girl, with dark eyes and a devilish smile. She was tall, slender and could turn the heads of many when she walked into a room. She had what it took to get her way with the boys; she used it to her advantage.
     Mark turned out to be a nice guy. He was down-to-earth with some great thoughts on life, not superficial like so many of the boys she dated. Mark was handsome in a rugged sort of way. If his family had money and he could afford to have his sandy brown hair styled and better clothes, he could easily fit in with her crowd.
     He was more reserved and less silly than her friends, or their boyfriends, but she thought he was just shy, and would soon adapt to her crowd.
     Theresa’s plan to taunt her parents to see what she could get out of them backfired. Half of the school year had gone by when she realized she was still dating Mark, a new record for her. Theresa picked her victims, worked her magic, then once she had them hooked, she would discard them and move on. Another game she liked to play.
     When she looked into Mark’s green eyes, listened to his corny jokes and his music; she could not hurt him. He was different, more sensitive. He listened to her when she told him her problems. He sympathized with her. No one had ever done so before.
     She found herself needing him more and more. Her friends were always teasing her about her charity case. She used to laugh and reply, it is the only way he’ll ever get a taste of the real life. Think how he’ll suffer once he has tasted it and then I take it away. They would laugh.
     Now, she did not think it was funny. Now she needed Mark. She did not know how she could get by without his emotional support. Could this be love?
     Before the end of the school year they were sleeping together, but it was different from the boys before. She would tease them, then maybe she would give in or maybe she would not. The high school boys always tried to see how far they could get with her.
     Mark was different; he had respect for her. When they began a physical relationship, he declared his love for her, and plans for them to be together through eternity. The love poems he sent to her made her melt. When they were together, she became a different person. He was good for her. Too bad her parents did not agree.
     They began to withdraw her shopping privileges and vacations to dissuade them from being together.
Theresa only pursued him more intensely. The final stage of her rebellion was to become pregnant. They would have to accept him, allow them to marry and shower her, Mark and their child, with all the gifts and comforts she had been accustomed to. She would have Mark, along with the life of wealth and travel she desired. She would still have her college education and her career; it would just have to wait another year to begin.
     Mark would be able to attend college also. She knew her parents would see to it because they would want the best for their only daughter.
     Theresa’s plans fell so far from the path she had imagined. She became pregnant just as planned. Mark insisted they get married, just as planned. They went together to tell her parents just as planned, but then the plans disintegrated.
     Her parents packed her bags and told her to leave. She moved in with Mark and his family until her parents had a chance to calm down. They told her they were writing her out of their will; they would not let her have one red cent.
     Theresa knew, in time, her parents would come around. She learned her ability for throwing temper tantrums, to get something she wanted, from them. She watched them doing the same to each other while she was growing up. She received a letter from them, sending her a copy of their new will with everything going to various charities. It specifically mentioned under no circumstances would anything go to her.
     To add insult to injury, they told her of their plans for their latest vacation to Rome, which did not include her.
     The letter and the will crushed Mark. Theresa reassured him when they had time to reflect on it, all would return to normal. It would be impossible for them to ignore their first grandchild.
     Well, there was one scenario that Theresa had not considered.   She shudders as she remembers the phone call about the plane crash. Her parents were gone. She was left penniless.
     Theresa looked up when she heard Isha speaking to her. Isha resembled Mark, with sandy brown hair brushing her shoulders.   Her eyes were hazel and flashed the sparkle Mark had in his when he was happy. She was slender, like her mother at that age, but had Mark’s gentle personality. Isha wanted to spend another hour with her friends. They were shopping for homecoming outfits and were not finished.
     Theresa, with sadness in her voice from thoughts of her past, gave Isha permission. She was unhappy about her parents; they had parted on such bad terms. She regretted that they never had the opportunity to see Isha and love her. They would never know their three grandchildren. Their grandchildren would only know Mark’s parents.
     She was angry that she allowed herself to dwell on the past in such a negative light. After all, there were too many good memories to always be reminded of the bad.
     She made her way through the crowd of people in the mall. She walked past a bookstore and decided to go in. Mark had been teaching Trystan to fly remote control airplanes. She thought maybe she could find a book on the subject. Both Mark and   Trystan were avid readers.
     Mark had the most unusual collection of books in his basement workshop. He enjoyed everything from poetry, to murder mysteries, to every how-to book ever written. He passed on his photographic memory to Trystan. They liked to read the same books and then quiz one another on the content.
     While reading the headings on the tops of the bookcases, Theresa noticed a small line of people a few aisles over. There was a booksigning in the store that day. The author wrote murder mystery novels. There were five different titles on display in front of the woman, who sat at the table, visiting with customers as she signed their books. Theresa lamented how little time she has for reading.
     Something was familiar about the sound of the laughter coming from the author. Theresa looked up at the banner hanging above the table; it read “Welcome Author, Ashley Moore.”
     The name did not ring a bell with Theresa, but the voice reminded her of someone. She stepped a little closer for a look. Of course, it was Ashley Whittaker, one of the girls from Theresa’s school clique.
     Ashley was a beautiful woman with short, stylish, light blond hair. Her complexion was warm, pink and flawless. She had the kind of complexion that blushed easily. She sure looks good,   Theresa thought, while stepping back to straighten her hair and clothes. She glanced at herself in the store window, viewing her reflection.
     Without money to keep her fashionable, Theresa did not pay much attention to her looks. She put on a few pounds, her striking black hair was shorter now and she rarely wore make-up.
     She waited for the line to thin, then stepped into it. She wondered if Ashley would recognize her. She was so excited. She had lost contact with her best friends when they went off to college, while she stayed home to marry Mark and have Isha. She hoped Ashley would remember her and they could chat about old times. Theresa could use the cheering up.
     Theresa took her place in line and handed a book to Ashley for her signature. Ashley looked at the book about remote control airplanes. She looked confused, smiled up at Theresa, and said,    “Sorry, I didn’t write this book.”
     Theresa smiled and Ashley laughed back.
     “Theresa, this is so you! What are you doing here? Where have you been? How’ve you been? Oh my gosh, I’ve so many questions. I’ve thought about you so often.”
     The people in the line behind Theresa were shifting around uncomfortably. Ashley noticed this.
     “Are you doing anything for lunch?” she asked. “I leave here in about fifteen minutes.”
     Ashley found herself as interested in Theresa as Theresa seemed in her. Ashley wondered if any of the stories she had heard about Theresa’s parents disinheriting her were true. She and the other girls used to wonder about it while they were away at school, before they lost contact with one another. The gossip flew. No one felt comfortable enough to seek Theresa out to ask her about it. She hoped there were no hard feelings about dropping her from the group.
     Theresa looked at her watch and remembered Isha. She did want to go to lunch with Ashley, but she did not want to include her daughter. She wanted a taste of her youth without the reminder of being a mom for a little while.
     “Lunch? Sure,” responded Theresa. “Let me run a quick errand first. How about if we meet across the street at the Olive Garden, in say, thirty minutes?”
     “How about one o’clock? Would that work?” asked Ashley. “We have so much catching up to do.”
     Theresa darted off to find Isha. First, she stopped by the pay phone. She searched for coins, while watching all the young people up and down the mall using their cell phones. This was just one more reminder of her lack of financial means. She deposited the coins and dialed her home number. Trystan answered.
     “Put Daddy on the phone, please,” said Theresa.
     Trystan set down the phone and went to the basement workshop, where Mark was working on a new part for his recording equipment.
     Mark, still the musician and music teacher at the local university, had a passion for the recording industry. He always brought home the discarded sound equipment from the university’s music department to repair and add to his own collection; a passion Theresa did not share. She was bitter about his music profession. She felt he was a junk collector, another reminder of their lack of money. He used the time while she was at the mall to tinker on the equipment, without her having to be aware of it. Mark rushed to the phone.
     “Hello,” said Mark.
     Theresa usually did not call Mark from the mall unless she needed to know the balance of their checking account or which credit card she should use before she made a purchase.
She asked, “I was wondering if you could come to the mall to pick up Isha? I’ve run into an old friend from school. Ashley, Ashley Whittaker, do you remember her?”
     Mark went into deep thought for a moment, then said, “Oh yeah, the fun blond who was always giggling.”
     “We’d like to go to lunch and talk over old times, but Isha needs a ride home. I’m sure she would be bored to death sitting with us,” said Theresa, trying to make it look as though she would be doing Isha a favor by not putting her through the boring lunch. She really did not want to share this time with anyone.
     “Just tell her to meet me in front of Dillards at twelve-thirty, and I’ll be there,” said Mark.
     “Thanks Mark, I owe you one, love ya.”
     Theresa went off in search of Isha and her friends. Much to her surprise, the task was an easy one. When she looked up, they were heading toward her, their faces beaming with glee over the perfect purchases they had made.
     Isha was good with her money. She had a part-time job at Pizza Hut after school and some weekends. Theresa and Mark let her use all of her money on clothes or whatever else she felt she needed, which was a luxury above the necessities they provided for her.
     Theresa told Isha her dad would meet her at twelve-thirty in front of Dillards; since she had made plans with an old friend. They parted.
     Theresa looked at her watch; the timing will be perfect, she thought. I’m supposed to meet Ashley at one o’clock. I can keep an eye out for Isha and Mark to make sure they connect.
     Theresa thought, I don’t know why I worry about such things. Mark is the most reliable man I’ve ever met. He’s a stickler for every detail, including time. The few attempts they made at family vacations, Mark had planned everything down to the minute.   Theresa was more laid back, but the kids picked up Mark’s aptitude for time and space. There is perfect harmony in the family when Theresa forces herself to make the effort.
      Theresa made her way across the street to the restaurant before Ashley arrived. She told the hostess they wanted a table for two in the nonsmoking section. This was from force of habit.   Mark detested anyone who smoked in his presence.
     Theresa wondered if Ashley smoked and whether she would be offended to be seated in the nonsmoking section. Now she was worried. She wanted this reunion to be perfect. Theresa ordered a glass of wine while she waited. Ashley arrived at ten past one.
     Mark would have been pacing out on the sidewalk, but Theresa was relieved her friend could still be fashionably late.    Ashley rushed in, with no apologies and quickly sat, fidgeting with her briefcase and handbag. Dropping the handbag onto the floor, she decided to hang it from the chair and then dropped it to the floor again.
     “I hate carrying these things; I never know where the safest place is to put them. If I hang it from the chair, I’m afraid someone will make off with it. If I put it on the floor, I usually forget it. Oh, well, so how’ve you been?” asked Ashley, all in one breath.
     Before Theresa could open her mouth to respond, the waiter appeared asking Ashley if she would like anything from the bar.
     “Oh, well let’s see umm…, I’ll have whatever she’s having.”
     Theresa giggled at Ashley’s energy. No wonder she stays so thin, thought Theresa. She remembered their youth. Ashley could not sit still long enough to finish an entire hamburger.
     The waiter returned with Ashley’s wine. Theresa and Ashley both ordered the Tour of Italy from the menu. They remembered how much alike they used to be. They wore the same size clothes, which made swapping fun. They had the same taste in food, cars, clothes, movies, books and guys. That was until Mark came along. Ashley and the rest of the group could never understand what Theresa saw in Mark. He was not going anywhere and his parents came from nowhere.
     Theresa began, “Okay Ashley, the whole story, don’t leave anything out.”
     “Oh, gosh, where do I begin?”
     “How about how you went from hating writing to becoming a best-selling author?”
     “Oh, that,” giggled Ashley, as she shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know, it just happened. While I was in college, I took a couple of courses on writing to help with my essays and term papers. Remember how lousy I was at that? My professor was a doll, he was so much fun, blue eyes, black hair …hmm …well, anyway.”
     “Wait a minute, this professor. Were you seeing him?”
     “We had a great time. He wrote historical novels; I took up writing to impress him. And, yes, we did end up having one passionate affair, but nothing came of it, except I discovered I could write and actually enjoyed it. I guess the other good fortune that came from it was I met Michael. He was my professor’s best friend.
     “Michael’s so much fun. He too, has blue eyes and black hair. He’s a music producer for a record company on the East Coast. It was love at first sight. He plays five instruments and has an ear for great music. He’s found so many new clients for this company, they’re worried he’ll quit them and go out on his own.
     “He doesn’t like the business end, you know, the bookwork, payroll and anything else that requires paperwork. Anyway, Michael produces music and I produce books. Now, your turn,”   Ashley said, breathless again.
     Theresa had forgotten how fast Ashley could talk.
     “Let’s see,” started Theresa. “My life isn’t as glamorous as yours. Mark and I did get married and we’re still together. We have three kids, Isha fourteen, Trystan twelve, and Lexi ten. We have a chocolate Lab named Cheyenne.
     “Mark went on to college, mostly night classes, to continue his passion for music. He’s a music teacher at the University of Colorado. His real interest lies in all that recording equipment. He plays the piano and the saxophone. Actually, he’s quite good.   He’s done some wonderful recordings of his own music.
     “We give CDs to family and friends for Christmas gifts. His students also think it’s cool to have some of his homemade CDs.
     “I’m a stay-at-home mom. I never did get back to school full-time. Once Mark finished with his education, we promised ourselves I would finish mine. I wanted to take a few courses in chemistry. I knew I could never be the chemist I had hoped to become when I was in high school.
     “All of that changes somehow when you go to school tired from the day. There’s the housework, the meals, the kids, the laundry, the dog, and of course, Mark. There wasn’t enough time in the day for my studies and my family. Mark did try to help, but he had his work to consider. His work paid our bills, so we decided my time was more valuable staying home raising the kids.
     “It’s not so bad. I think it would be so much more fun to be able to raise them the way I was raised, without the worry of bills and mortgage payments. Seems something always comes up to keep us from getting ahead. I wish Mark had a little more drive. He seems so content with our lives the way they are.
     “We live in a quiet little neighborhood where all the families have kids and dogs. The streets are still safe enough for the kids to play in. I just want more.
     “Look at you. You have it all: career, money, fame and a successful husband. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, they’re great. But I wanted a career, travel and all that goes with the good life.”
     “Wow! Three kids! Imagine that,” exclaimed Ashley. “You’re wrong, though, I don’t have it all. I want kids, too. We’ve been trying for the last three years. We’ve been in and out of clinics all over the East Coast, but no one can give us any reason why I can’t conceive.
     “We’re about to undergo harvesting eggs and the whole nine yards. I’ve heard it can turn you into a raging bitch, being on all those damn hormones.
     “Heaven knows, Michael has a hard enough time putting up with my mood swings now. He has times when he’s afraid to walk through the door for fear I’ll blow his head off just because of my hormones. I can’t say that I blame him.”
     “Gee, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Mark just has to look sideways at me and I get pregnant. I guess I’m always feeling like I missed out on something. The world and all of my friends just passed me by,” admitted Theresa.
     “That’s okay, don’t feel bad for me. I have good vibes about this. I know when the time’s right we’ll have our family.”
     “Let’s talk about something a little more lighthearted,” suggested Theresa. “Where do you live now and why are you back in Denver signing books?”
     “Michael and I live in New York,” replied Ashley. “My mother died almost a year ago. I haven’t been able to bring myself to the point of returning to her house to box up the things I want to keep and sell the rest. I need to do something with the house; sell it I guess. Anyway, it’s not good for the house to sit idle for so long. The grounds are becoming unruly and the pool’s in need of repair. I have one groundskeeper hired, but he says there’s too much work for him to do alone. I need to hire more help or sell.
     “I told my agent I’d be leaving to spend some time in Denver to handle personal matters. He suggested I do a book signing at The Bookstore. I never seem to get back to this part of the country.   So, here I am. I’ve completed my obligation with the signing. Now, I have to go face that house. I sure wish Michael could’ve come. It’s going to be creepy walking in there alone.”
     Theresa studied Ashley’s face. Does she want me to go along? Is she really afraid? Should I offer my assistance? Should I invite her to stay with us while she’s here? All these thoughts were running through Theresa’s mind so quickly, yet she could not get out the words to ask the questions. She feared rejection again.   Was Ashley being nice by going to lunch with her?
     After all, once she became pregnant, all of her friends deserted her. They went off to their colleges, their new lives and never looked back. Not even one phone call, or Christmas card. Why would Ashley want to renew their friendship now? Why would a successful author want to have a friendship with a dreary old housewife with three kids?
     Theresa remembered the way she and her friends used to make fun of all the lower class people they saw at the malls and theaters. Theresa is now one of those lower class people. She caught herself wondering why she even came to this lunch.   Suddenly, she filled with jealousy and distrust for Ashley. Thank goodness the waiter arrived with the food. Theresa needed a break in the conversation.
     Ashley, eating quickly, turned to Theresa, “This is so good, I’m famished. I haven’t had a thing to eat today. I’m not a morning person and I had to get up to come in for this booksigning. Had to be there by nine o’clock. I usually don’t even see nine o’clock. I’m more of a night person.”
     Theresa could not remember when she was still in bed at nine o’clock; except for those rare days when mothers are allowed to have the flu, only the twenty-four-hour variety mind you, not the three-day. More than ever, Theresa felt like she was Ashley’s charity case.
     “Hey, Theresa,” said Ashley, “I was wondering… you don’t have to answer if you think it’s too personal, but …whatever happened with all that talk about your parents’ will? Were you able to work through all the red tape? Last the girls and I heard it sounded pretty bad.
     “Oh, um, let me also take this time to apologize for what we did to you. We were so cruel in our younger days. Weren’t you just ashamed of us, the way we acted then?
     “First, our parents thought we shouldn’t hang around with you since … you know … you and Mark. Then none of us were brave enough to be the first one to tell our parents to shove it and look you up anyway. There was also fear of rejection from the group. It must’ve been so hard on you. Please accept my apologies and the apologies from the girls. We talked about contacting you, but assumed, after what we’d done to you, that you’d no longer want to give us the time of day. I guess we were all cowards.
     “It’s so great of you to be the better person and walk right up to me at the book signing to forgive and forget.”
     Forgive and forget, thought Theresa, who says I can forgive and forget? I’ve spent years wondering how to get even with this bunch, plotting their career failures, family failures and marriage failures; even the best way to kill each of them, so they would suffer long and hard before the bitter end. I don’t think they have any idea how badly they hurt me.
     Ashley’s right, though, time has eased the pain. It would be interesting to find my lost friendships or at least renew mine with Ashley, since we were the closest. Besides, maybe I can use Ashley to get to her husband to help Mark’s career.
     “Don’t be silly,” smiled Theresa. “That was all such a long time ago. How could I hold a grudge about what a bunch of teenage girls did? Heaven knows we were all a bit uncaring in those days. I’d like to think we become more mature as we age, wouldn’t you?”
     Ashley studied Theresa’s face. This sweet side of Theresa was one that Ashley was so familiar with. Theresa displayed this when she wanted something or had something to hide. What does she want from me or what is she hiding? Suddenly, Ashley was the one feeling distrustful of her lunch partner. Was this meeting a mistake? Theresa had a no-holds-barred attitude when she wanted something or wanted to hurt someone. Has she really forgiven and forgotten or have I just opened a Pandora’s box? Maybe I’m just feeling guilty after so many years have gone by. Surely Theresa has matured beyond all that hateful teenage cruelty stuff. Of course she has, we all outgrow that, concluded Ashley.
     The waiter arrived requesting their dessert order. In the past, they would order one big ooey gooey dessert and split it between them, so they could be equally bad or only eat half of the calories. They could not decide which excuse to use. They looked at each other and smiled.
     “Do we dare?” asked Ashley.
     “Go for it,” Theresa urged.
     Ashley ordered the most sinful chocolate dessert on the menu along with two forks. The two set aside their differences, diving into the chocolate as the apprehensions about each other melted away. They savored each bite. Now they felt a little silly for the doubts they had.
     Theresa asked, “When are you planning to go to your mother’s house? Are you planning to stay there while you sort and pack?”
     “I’m not sure; I’ve been staying at the Marriott for the last few days while I’ve been signing books. Perhaps I’ll continue my stay there if the house makes me feel too uncomfortable.”
     Theresa thought one good turn deserves another. She might offer to help Ashley, so Ashley would feel obliged to say yes when Theresa approaches her with the wonderful idea of Michael helping Mark.
     “You know, Mark and the kids are in school the entire day. I’m finding myself with a little more free time on my hands. Would you like some company while you do your sorting? I understand if you prefer to be alone.”
     “I thought you’d never ask,” laughed Ashley. “That’d be great! How soon can you start?”
     “We have family plans for tomorrow. How about Monday morning? After nine o’clock, that is,” Theresa laughed.
     “Monday morning it will be.”
     “If you don’t have plans for tomorrow, you’re welcome to join us for supper. We always try to share a family dinner Sunday evenings as often as we can.”
     “You know, I think I’d like that.”
      Theresa handed Ashley a piece of paper with her phone number and address.
     “It’s a date then.”
     The waiter returned with the check. Ashley quickly snatched it. Theresa pretended not to notice, until she was sure Ashley grabbed it. She did not offer to pay her share, but thanked Ashley for lunch instead.

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